We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
you will always have a special place in my vag
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
