You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
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