I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
Randomize
