Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
