How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
