At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
