are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
Randomize