We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
