She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
