I feel like abortions should bother me more
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Randomize
