respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
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