Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
Randomize
