Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Randomize
