My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
