so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
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