The Redheads category on Pornhub is my number 2 site behind facebook on google chrome. I think I have a problem
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
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