i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
Randomize
