You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
Randomize