The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
Welp...herpes.
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
I'm determined to sit on that face.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
