I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
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