i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
Randomize
