Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
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