she sounds like chewbacca in bed
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
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