Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
Randomize