Your tits are I can't wait for
I just threw up on my dentist
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
so let's talk penis.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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