Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
