i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
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