my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Randomize
