My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
Randomize
