He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
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