I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
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