so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize