u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
