She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
