He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize
