matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
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