Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
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