Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Randomize
