i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
Randomize
