She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
