Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
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