I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Randomize
