Ketchup is God's man juice
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Randomize
