you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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