Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
