Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
Randomize
