Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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