woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Randomize