What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
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