Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Randomize
