I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
I think people are normalizing furries
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
Randomize
