haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
Randomize
