I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
Randomize
