Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
Randomize
