that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
Randomize
