so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
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