Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
Randomize
