I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
