I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
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