I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
Randomize
