i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
Randomize