My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
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