I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
