Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
Randomize
