im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
Randomize
