You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
cat food counts as protein by the way
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
